My Final Five on the Blame It on Rio Olympics

In no particular order, here are a few thoughts as the rain falls on the 2016 Rio Olympics closing ceremony on my TV in the background.

1. Brazil's story, a negotiated settlement that may or may not have been at gunpoint, is just as fishy as Ryan Lochte's. I like Ryan's touch of explaining his original over-exaggeration by saying that he was "still intoxicated" from his wild night of partying when he did the first interview that got the snowball rowing. Personally, I think if you ask your cabbie to stop someplace with a bathroom you can use, and he doesn't, it's on the cabbie. And that first interviewer may have some explaining to do.

2. Volleyball is more interesting to watch than basketball, even when played in the sand by mid-aged women in bikinis. Handball is a stupid sport. I was disappointed to miss the equestrian events but not to miss golf and tennis. Balance beam in women's gymnastics requires the most courage.

3. Those GE ads were annoying. I'll bet Rick marries the Asian-American chick and one or both of them ends up running GE, while Sarah becomes an embittered old cat lady after learning she makes less than Earl. If I have to see another ad or trailer for Bridget Jones's Baby. I am going to vote for Trump.

4. Listening to the Brazilian announcers, every time Team U.S.A. won a medal, Estados Unidos da America won one too. We'd better watch out for Tostadas Unix/DOS (if that's the correct translation to American English) or America will be toast.

5. Who won these Olympic Games? Not the U.S. if you adjust for population. In the large country division (100 million or greater), the U.S. got the most gold per capita but was second to Russia in total medals, Japan gets the bronze. In the medium-sized country division (more than 20 million but less 100 million), the gold per capita goes to Great Britain, silver to France, and bronze to Canada. In the small country division (less than 20 million but at least 10 medals), Jamaica got by far the most gold per capita, but was second to New Zealand for total medals, with Denmark getting the bronze. I'd show my math, but that would be boring.