I'll Be By Tomorrow Morning at 11:00 to Pick up My Stuff

Scott Brown was scheduled to take his U.S. Senate seat for Massachusetts next Thursday on February 11. That was until this past Wednesday afternoon, when he had his lawyer write and hand deliver a letter to Governor Deval Patrick and Secretary of State William Galvin:

"We request that the results of the special election of January 19, 2010 be certified without delay and that a duplicate original copy be provided to me in hand no later than 11:00 a.m. on Thursday, February 4, 2010."

Scott Brown got his certification papers, flew to Washington, DC, and was sworn in by Vice President Joe Biden on Thursday afternoon.

Whatever else you may think of Scott Brown, you've to admire his style. In fact, his simple approach can be used to solve lots of problems.

Dear Ex,

I know we said we'd never see each other again, but you still have my green jacket and Free Bird t-shirt. I'll be by tomorrow morning at 11:00 to pick up my stuff.

Dear AIG,

You received a $170 billion bailout from me and other U.S. taxpayers. My per capita share is $550. I'll be by tomorrow morning at 11:00 to pick up my check. Actually, make out that check to the U.S Treasury for the full $170 billion amount.

Dear Nancy Pelosi,

I have not yet received anything from the $787 billion stimulus plan you passed a year ago in February 2009. My per capita share works out to $2,550. I'll be by tomorrow morning at 11:00 to pick up my check.

Dear Europe,

You seem to think that giving our President a Nobel Peace Prize would get him to strong arm Brazil, South Africa, India, China, and our country into your stupid Copenhagen scheme to regulate our economies under the guise of your faked data on global warming. (We're not saying carbon emissions are not a real problem, we're saying you don't have a real solution.) We'll be by tomorrow morning at 11:00 to return the Peace Prize.

Dear Pakistan,

We have good information that Osama Bin Laden is hiding in your country. We'll be by tomorrow morning at 11:00 to pick him up.

Dear Iran and North Korea,

We'll be by tomorrow morning at 11:00 to pick up your nuclear weapons material and your jailed dissidents. You might want to try picking up some democracy.

Dear Senator Brown (cc: President Obama),

Senator Brown, we hope you like your new job and like working with President Obama. You've both are coming up for reelection in 2012. Your Senate seat is the people's seat, and so is the seat in the oval office. We hope you both do a great job for us between now and Tuesday, November 6, 2012. If not, we'll be by election morning at 11:00 to pick up our seats.