An American Carol Alert

The movie An American Carol opened this weekend. And, because we would never admit we saw it ourselves, we will report that we heard from a friend who heard from a guy he knows that this is one of the worst movies ever made.

Substitute the Fourth of July for Christmas and left wing filmmaker Michael Moore for Scrooge and you have the plot. It’s being billed as the first right wing comedy. There may not be a second.

It was written, directed, and produced by David Zucker, who did Airplane!, the Naked Gun series, and the Scary Movie series. There were (we are told) a few funny gags, although you’ve probably seen them all in the previews and ads. And the cast list showed such promise:

Kevin Farley as Michael Malone – Chris Farley’s brother is dead on as documentary filmmaker Michael Moore but do you want to watch that for 90 minutes?
Kelsey Grammer as General George S. Patton –You’ll want to slap him.
Jon Voight as General George Washington – Suspect for this atrocity Angelina Jolie won’t be letting him see his grandkids at Thanksgiving.
Trace Adkins as Himself/The Spirit of Christmas Future aka The Angel of Death – the country folk aren’t going to forgive shelling out their money to see this.
James Woods as Michael's Agent – Wasn’t he in Oliver Stone’s Nixon? We smell a conspiracy.
Paris Hilton as Herself - What is she doing in this movie? Wasn’t McCain just slamming her? We smell a rat.
Simon Rex as Himself – This is what comes from hanging out with Pairs Hilton.
Kevin Sorbo as George Mulrooney - Hercules spoofs George Clooney.
Dennis Hopper as The Judge – He shoots zombie ACLU lawyers with a shotgun. This is a long way from Easy Rider.
Chriss Anglin as John F. Kennedy – Turns out he was a warmonger in this history.
Robert Davi as Aziz - He was great in the series The Profiler but remember he was also in Showgirls.
Leslie Nielsen as Himself / Grampa - Collects his pension check here.
Jillian Murray as Heather – Not pretty enough to be this movie’s only redeeming quality.
Bill O'Reilly as Himself – He’s funnier on his TV show.
Gary Coleman as Slave - He must owe somebody money.
David Alan Grier as Slave – He is better than this, he must owe somebody a lot of money.
Benton Jennings as Hitler – Yet another singing Hitler.