Fat Tuesday media guide

CNN:
Lou Dobbs – CNN’s resident curmudgeon.
Anderson Cooper – Gloria Vanderbilt’s son, the dumbest newsperson on CNN.
Wolf Blitzer – Blitzer translates to "Barak" in Hebrew.
Larry King – old than McCain, his sixth wife is a Mormon.
James Carville – the ragin’ Cajun has become the ancient Cajun.
Jeffrey Toobin – still covering the OJ trial.
Mark Shields – still campaigning for Robert Kennedy.
David Gergen – hard to take seriously after the October 2007 banana affair.

Fox:
Brit Hume – no, he’s not British.
Chris Wallace – son of 60 Minutes’ Mike Wallace.
Bill O’Reilly – who’s looking out for you has never been seen in the same room with Lou Dobbs.
Sean Hannity – just pray you never have to hear him sing.
Alan Colmes – token liberal on the “fair and balanced” network.
Greta Van Susteren – the dumbest newsperson on Fox, reported to be a practicing Scientologist.
Dick Morris – Clinton’s former pollster has become the leading Hillary hater.
Ann Coulter – “I'd rather deal with President Hillary than with President McCain.” (Hillary would be better for her book royalties, no doubt)
Susan Estrich – former Dukakis campaign manager is token Wellesley girl on Fox.

MSNBC:
Keith Olbermann – MSNBC’s resident curmudgeon.
Chris Matthews – MSNBC’s resident cudgel.

Comedy Central:
Jon Stewart – don’t laugh, lots of folks get their political news from The Daily Show.
Stephen Colbert – doesn’t let his own kids watch his show saying, “I don't want them to perceive me as insincere.” He made Huckabee.

Radio:
Rush Limbaugh – Can’t stand John McCain surrounding himself with liberals like Rudy Giuliani and Arnold Schwarzenegger.

No one watches anymore:
Brian Williams – NBC
Katie Kouric - CBS
Charles Gibson – ABC